On his deathbed, an old Jew says to his wife.....

[Belle]

“Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me.”

The wife nodded dutifully, “I was, Moshe”

He labored a bit and then said, “When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again.”

The wife tearfully said, “I was, Moshe”

“And now you're at my death bed, aren't you?”, added Moshe.

The wife replied, “I am, darling.”

The old Jew sighed, “I'm starting to think you're bad luck, Sarah.”

[Belle]

An old man walks into a church and goes to the confessional.

He enters, and says "Father I must confess. Yesterday I was in my tailor shop, and in the middle of the morning in walked a beautiful woman, maybe 22 years old. She locked the door, and started kissing me. I kissed her back, and over the next hour we made love in ways that I had heard of but never thought to try. Then she said thank you, got dressed and left. I don't even know her name."
The priest say, "Your penance is to suck on 3 lemons. "will that absolve me?", No but it will wipe that smile off your face".

[Lobo Loco]

An 80-year-old man enters the confessional. 

Old man - Father, I had sex with two 18-year-old twins.

Priest - I see. And when was your last confession, my child?

Old man - I've never been to confession. In fact, I'm Jewish.

Priest - Then why are you telling ME this?

Old man - I'm telling EVERYONE.